The Original Big Silly Goose Dead At 40

Sad news coming out of Waikanae, New Zealand this morning. Thomas a bisexual goose has passed away at age 40. Heartbreaking stuff. Lets flashback to 24 years ago. The year 1994. Across the globe the New York Rangers won the Stanley Cup, OJ Simpson led police on an infamous chase in his White Ford Bronco. But the most important event of the year Thomas met Henry, a black swan. They fell in love. Beautiful story. All was well until things got messy. Henrietta swooped in and stole Thomas’s lover Henry right out from under him. Literally and figuratively. Thomas didn’t know what to do so he stuck around. He helped Henry and Henrietta father their babies over the years, 68 to be exact. Too bad we couldn’t get one more because this story would be so much nicer. Word to Gronkowski.

Birdwatchers would spend hours observing Thomas and his love life. Thomas eventually moved on and found someone else. He fathered his own children for the first time until another goose by the name of George swooped in and stole his babies. Thomas went back to Henry because it was home to him. Henry passed away in 2009. Henrietta flew away with another goose shortly after. What a bitch… typical Henrietta. Thomas spent a couple years alone before going blind in 2013. He was taken to the Wellington Bird Rehabilitation Trust to be taken care of. The trust described him as a good boy who was very caring and lived for his corn on the cob. What a guy!

Thomas will be buried by his lover Henry at the spot where they met and a public ceremony will be held for the bird everyone loved. I never met Thomas but he seems like a wonderful fellow. Rest In Peace to Thomas, our wonderful blind bisexual goose in the clouds. You’ll truly be missed.

R.I.P. Thomas the Goose 1978-2018

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